The Gift of Belonging

The Gift of Belonging

First delivered at UUCB on March 25, 2007

The title of this sermon may be a bit misleading because I suspect the assumption is that belonging is a gift we each receive—perhaps one to which we are entitled. I don’t see it that way. Particularly when we consider Unitarian Universalism is a chosen faith. The congregation does not approve a new member, the member chooses the congregation. You give the gift of yourself to the community. The choice of preposition in the title is deliberate. I’m not suggesting it is a gift to belong, but asserting we each bring to the community the gift of belonging. You gift the gift of yourself and only in the giving do you in turn receive.

At the Cluster meeting last week Rev. Hurto, our new District Executive, made a comment that got to the heart of something that has been nagging me for some time. He said, “we’re not here to make people happy. We’re here to challenge them to spiritual maturity.” In discussing this concept with one of our members later in the week he made a marvelous comment I just have to repeat. He said, “We comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.” That is what may very well happen this morning. What I have to say may make some, or even all, of you squirm a bit. And that’s okay. Unitarian Universalists don’t squirm enough.

I may make some suggestions that outright rankle you. And that’s okay. Probably one of the most glorious instances of safe community I have witnessed as a UU occurred at the cluster meeting. One of the attendees shared her reason for becoming a UU with us and her reason reminded Kenn to say something that was definitely challenging. As soon as he said it I wondered how this woman would take his comment. Sure enough, about twenty minutes later she raised her hand and said, “I have to say something at this point because I’ve been sitting here sulking for awhile.” She shared her hurt with Kenn in a respectful manner giving him the opportunity to clarify his comments and assure her they were not directed at her. Her comments had simply served as an illustration to a point he wanted to make.

The two of them had a mature dialogue that was predicated on trust. Gregory Foster, a civilian professor at the National Defense University in Washington, DC makes this comment in an essay on ethics.

“Trust is social glue. It is what unites rather than divides, what turns a gaggle of individuals into a community with a sense of oneness. If I am sure I can count on you to tell me the truth, to seek the truth where I am concerned, to treat me fairly, to care whether I get what I deserve and deserve what I get, then our relationship is more likely than not to be defined by trust. Where such trust exists—thinking, not blind, trust; lasting, not momentary, trust—the prevalence of ethical conflict and the burden of ethical choice are materially diminished.”[i]

I could not agree more. In order to challenge one another to spiritual maturity in the Unitarian Universalist tradition we must trust one another. We have a terrible habit of agreeing to disagree, but doing so in a way that stifles discussion of the disagreement. We are so terrified of offending one another and focused on a misuse of the concept of tolerance that we rarely have the opportunity to productively learn from one another. We have an imperative to honesty. Not honesty that becomes a form of brutality. I am by no means suggesting we make it a point of engaging in stream of consciousness honesty creating an environment in which no one feels safe. I am referring to accepting responsibility for engaging in the active life of a congregation.

            If you want to know what is going on in your church you have to plug in to the community and engage! Church membership has long been seen as a bargain. Something we are entitled to for very little investment on our part, both financial and personal. That approach will do little to help you develop in your spiritual journey. Endeavoring to cultivate your personal spiritual maturity is not a passive activity. Plug in! We’ve all heard the saying, “the more you put into something the more you get out of it.” It’s true! What do you value more in life? The things that were given to you or the things you worked for and earned?

            I’d like to share with you some membership requirements I stumbled upon recently. These are actual requirements that appear in a congregation’s constitution.

• Worship regularly—at least once a week.

• Meet God daily in a set time of prayer.

• Participate in the educational program of the church.

• Engage in individual study regularly….

• Serve regularly in the programs of this church and in the areas of responsibility outside this church.

• Dedicate a tithe of income to the work of the Kingdom of God.[ii]

Clearly this is not a Unitarian Universalist Church. I’m not even sure how the membership committee would verify compliance with a couple of those items, but they certainly leave no room for doubt regarding their membership requirements. Members of that church know up front that relating with others in a religious community involves commitment and engagement.

I am struck by the gap between our requirements and theirs. We simply say, show up when you can and give whatever you feel like giving. Someone who pledges a dollar a year, shows up to services once every other month or so and pays a penny toward that pledge within sixty days of a congregational meeting is considered a member in good standing. Is the congregation benefiting from this individual’s gift of belonging? But more to the point, is this individual receiving any benefit in terms of spiritual growth? Why did he or she join in the first place? And why isn’t he or she being challenged? One of our principles is encouragement to spiritual growth within our congregations. That’s a pretty difficult principle to put into practice if we’re not here to challenge one another.

All well and good you say, but I’d come to church more often if the services were more appealing. Right you are! So why aren’t you on the Sunday Service committee? Why aren’t you singing in the choir? Why aren’t you signed up for hospitality? Why aren’t you demanding to be a Greeter at the door? Why aren’t you attending Committee on Ministry meetings insisting that certain topics of unique concern to this congregation be addressed?

 We all have different skills, talents and interests. I’m not suggesting you put yourself in a role to which you are ill suited. On the other hand, I am challenging you to perhaps try something you may not know you have the aptitude to do. Get out of your comfort zone! According to the latest directory we have 54 members. That’s not a low number in my opinion. That’s a decent base within which to have a vibrant dynamic and caring ministry if everyone participates to his or her ability. To their ability…I suspect our abilities are greater than our initial self-appraisals might seem to indicate.

Unitarian Universalism has been challenging its small congregations, even the large ones, to focus on just three priorities, one of which is high quality worship. We have to knock Sunday mornings out of the park if we’re going to thrive and grow as a healthy religious community. Our purpose is to send one another on our way at 12:45 or so feeling like we’ve changed one another’s lives. It’s not my job to inspire you and change your life; it’s a shared ministry. Three to five people cannot breathe life into the other fifty. Ten to fifteen people cannot breathe life into the other forty. Forty-five people cannot breathe life into the other four or five. Our congregations encourage one another to spiritual growth, but we also affirm a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. That responsibility lies with the individual.

Now I am going to give you a freebie this morning—some advice that could change your life. It’s not even something vague like “go forth and love your neighbors as yourself,” or “resolve to be more generous.” Those are laudable goals of course, but I am going to challenge you to do something concrete and for some of us, maybe even more difficult.

For years people have been asking me how I do it all. I’m a stay at home, home schooling mom, with a great marriage, a board member of the Space Coast Progressive Alliance, preaching at UU churches around Central Florida, operating a wedding ministry and preparing to pursue a graduate certificate with the Humanist Institute. People think I am so with it. I used to just shrug, blush and brush off the question. No longer. I’m going to tell you how I do it and how you can do it in four words.

Turn off your television.

If you know who the latest American Idol is but not Fred Fielding or Henry Bellows, turn off your television. If you know where Survivor is being filmed this season, but don’t know where the first Universalist General Convention was held, turn off your television. Seriously. You don’t need it. In my opinion, television is the most intrusive piece of technology impeding personal relationships and community activity today.

About eight or nine years ago Jamie and I took a look at our time constraints and were stunned by the amount of television we watched. Here’s how we reduced its hold over us. First thing we did was look at the television schedule and decide what we could immediately quit watching. Then we decided which shows we absolutely couldn’t miss. The shows that fell in the middle we decided to skip for two weeks and see if we cared. We didn’t.

We kept up with the shows we decided we absolutely could not miss but vowed not to pick up any new shows the following season. By network cancellation attrition we would be free of prime time television in several years. It worked. And I should note that ER and Law & Order were two in the “cannot miss” category. They are still running, but when we began reducing television in our routine we found out that our “can’t miss” category fell aside too.

Now I know a few of you are thinking, “Wait a minute! This is the lady who dashed out of the mythology class every Wednesday to get home to see “Lost.”  Very True! But I can say with absolute sincerity it is the only television program my husband and I watch and it’s a standing date. Literally standing. We take turns on our elliptical machine. And thankfully it has moved to 10:00 so now we just tape it and watch it the next day.

Which brings me to another reason to unplug from television. Commercials. The best way to inoculate yourself from the materialist new and improved, more, more, more, gotta have culture is to limit your exposure to advertising. This decision certainly won’t eliminate your chance of infection but it does help build your immune system.

I’ve got another reason for you. Infotainment. That’s what I think passes for television journalism these days. An oxymoron if I’ve ever uttered one. If you get your news from the television, even so-called 24 hours a day news coverage, you have no idea what is going on in this world. If you don’t have or don’t want access to the internet, subscribe to a couple of daily newspapers and weekly and monthly periodicals. You’ll be plugged in to the world far better than through the television.

So there are three reasons to unplug from the television. It will free up your time to do other things, free you to develop deeper value for non-material goods and free you to explore the state of the world on your own terms. But most importantly it reduces the amount of passive activity in your life and enables you to engage in relational activities—the types of activities that benefit your spiritual growth.

Corliss Lamont says, “…religion has offered men an organizing principle of existence…and a compelling interest, beyond petty personal desires, for which to work. At its best it has given them the opportunity of losing themselves in something greater than the individual and of finding themselves in consecration to an ideal.”[iii] Our contemporary society makes it far too easy to lose ourselves in something trivial than to lose ourselves in consecration to an ideal.

The last thing I want to tell you about today is a phone call I received on Friday afternoon. It was from a young woman who saw in the newspaper that we were screening the controversial film “Transamerica.” She felt she had to call and find out what kind of church would do that! So I gave her my little elevator speech about Unitarian Universalism. You all should have one by the way. At the conclusion of the call she said something like, “So you accept anyone no matter what.”

I responded, “Not exactly.” Which may surprise some of you. “I told her that we expect those who join in community with us to take their responsibility for spiritual exploration seriously and will engage in the religious work necessary to achieve their goals.” I could hear her nodding over the phone. “Oh yes, that’s me!” she said. Here is a woman who wants to plug in. Do you? Will you give yourself the gift of belonging? 

Peace be with you. 

Copyright © 2007

Ann Fuller, March 2007